collegeAnger is a gift says Malcolm X. Well then I must be the most gifted Filipino around. Arriving from class today, I passed by the communal television lounge and saw the failed attempt of the protesting farmers to gather at Mendiola. A wall of policemen armed with shields and clubs and anti-riot gear blockaded the mass of farmers wielding banners of red and shouts of land and justice. Tierra y Justicia, just like the cries of the indigenous in Southeast Chiapas Mexico, the same cries uttered by the same people victimized and massacred by their respective countries. Then the pretty, trustworthy-looking, serious-sounding newscaster comes in view and tells us that the farmers are already starting to disperse and go home. Back to their homes in Central Luzon barefoot and wet from the slight rain this afternoon. And then pretty newscaster tells us about the news we have to watch later: the dance showdown between two competing groups of sexy dancers, and then a footage showing barely-clothed women doing something to chairs and various furnitures in the stage.
I hurried on down the corridor to my room and all the while my head feels like its going to explode. I have read all about these, about how the media portrays disjointed narratives on television, about how it lumps side by side events as if they are of the same level, as if farmers shouting for justice is the same as naked women dancing on stage. I have read all about the agrarian problem in the Philippines, about the neocolonial nature of our country, about the various attempts by the various people to seek the right to their land all through the years, about the communist problem, about the Muslim insurgency problem, about the corrupt politicians who run this stupid government, about the oligarchies in the various provinces of the country, about Jose Maria Sison exiled in the Netherlands, about the Alex Boncayao Brigade, I have read all about these, and still the hatred remains, the feeling remains, the feeling of anger over the stupidities and heartlessness of the Military and Government Bureaucracy remains. I never seem to get bored about all these things and this is the cause of my problem.
What's your major malfunction, barks the Sergeant. My malfunction sir, is that I care too much.
I open the door and dump my bag on my typhoon-ravaged bed, the bed that creaks and squeaks at night, I change my shirt and contemplate things, which is a bad way to deal with headaches by the way, contemplate about what exactly I don't really care. Just let your anger run wild and let your imagination loose. If I had my way, If I am the ruler of the universe, what would I do?
I would be, as Calvin, from Calvin and Hobbes be, one of those Older Gods, pitiless God who demands sacrifice and even that doesn't satisfy me. Even that doesn't quench my anger. I would periodically destroy the earth and watch the human race evolve again and again and again until I get bored. And then I'll destroy the entire universe and then rebuild it just for the sheer fun of it. I will show these ignorant creations of mine who's boss and right then and there I would have solve all these petty problems about social inequality and injustice. Everyone would be the same. Everyone is the same piece of shit that comes out of my powerful, immortal ass. There would only be one oppressor and that oppressor would be me.
But time to get back to reality.
Seen from several millions of miles away, the earth is but a tiny speck of blue in a vast universe of galaxies and stars. Talk about the ego of a man who considers himself an important creature of greatness blessed by God for he is created, as is claimed in the Bible, in HIS own image. Let's take a look at a picture of the most powerful person in the whole world today, George Bush, are we to believe that this self-righteous piece of shit is the most prized and important thing in the entire universe?
I am tired and sleepy and my thoughts are far from clear, let alone bearing any resemblance of sanity. I am anxious and worried about what exactly I don't know. The things that I fear have all lost their shapes because of repetitive thinking about them, which logically should make me happy. But no, I sense that there is something really wrong with the world today, or maybe I'm just paranoid or maybe I don't know.
I'm tired, I'm going to sleep.
Fuck you all.
